UPDATED: Sept. 1, 2017 at 12:05 p.m. EST
Maybe all of those unicorn Frappuccinos have gone to executives' heads, because this year, the brand's announcing the PSL in the most magical — and, admittedly, bizarre — way possible. At 11 a.m. EST, the coffee chain launched a livestream on its Facebook page, with an exclamation-point-strewn announcement: "For the first time ever seen by humans!! The magical arrival of the Pumpkin Spice Latte!! Don't miss a moment!!"
On camera, you see a straw-covered pen, much like you'd find at a petting zoo, with a nest in the center. One hour in, and people are getting restless.
"Any bloody show yet?" Victoria Gastelum asked.
"Taking too long, bye," chimed in Aimee Segura.
Clearly, the Pumpkin Spice Latte lovers are starting to get restless. But still, there's no sign of that elusive, autumnal treat.
"GIVE US the PSL," posted Travis Williams.
Eventually, one can assume the brand will officially announce the drink's return. Until then, all we can do is watch:
ORIGINAL POST: Aug. 29, 2017 at 6:06 p.m. EST
While everybody's searching for hidden meanings in Taylor Swift's new song or the Game Of Thrones finale, Starbucks has quietly dropped a cryptic message of its own. One that's every bit as deserving of absurdist fan theories, obsessive overanalyzing, and unabashed fangirling/mockery, depending on which side of the aisle you skew.
Thankfully, we're here to provide exactly that for you. After weeks of silence on social media, Starbucks' official Pumpkin Spice Latte account suddenly piped up this morning, tweeting an all caps, so-urgent-punctuation-be-damned missive:
Clearly, something is happening this Friday, and the only way to find out what it is is to aggressively stalk the brand's Facebook page. Our anthropomorphic pal, @TheRealPSL, is obviously very conflicted about whatever it is. Considering how dangerously close we are to Labor Day weekend — AKA the unofficial death of summer, AKA the weekend before Starbucks usually launches the Pumpkin Spice Latte — it probably means the PSL is coming very, very soon.
It did offer two insights in its replies to that tweet, though: (1) 2017 is the year of many firsts, but the brand still won't be releasing a vegan version of the drink. (2) There won't be early access for Starbucks rewards members, either. (Last year, the chain let members order a PSL five days ahead of everyone else.)
The siren-logoed company is usually pretty cagey about its exact release date (in fact, maybe T-Swift got her idea to go dark on social and suddenly announce her return from @TheRealPSL — inspiration is everywhere, people). But, history stands to reason it'll hit cafes everywhere within the next few weeks.
It also means the Pumpkin Spice Latte probably won't be hitting stores on Friday, either. After all, wouldn't @TheRealPSL guide you directly to your nearest coffee mecca, rather than forcing you to stalk them on Facebook like a jilted ex? That's one extra step, and you could get distracted by a recipe video for Giggle Juice or the freakish wonder that is Pickle Hummus and lose sight of your gourd-geous goal entirely.
Until Friday's big Facebook announcement comes — since we're still wildly ensconced in the delicious torment that is pure media speculation — let's go ahead and dispel a few things this cryptic tweet could be preparing us for ... but probably isn't:
1. Taylor Swift's "Look What You Made Me Do" is really an ode to being forced into Basic B*tch status, due to her unadulterated love of autumnally spiced drinks.
That gilded cage in the video? It's sparkling with cinnamon-y spices, obvi, and shows that she's a prisoner to the drink's flavor. That sports car she crashes? Clearly a metaphor for hanger gone unchecked. Don't even get us started on the part where money's burning out of her hands. We all know how much a latte costs.
2. The PSL Is What Alec Baldwin bathes in as self-tanner before playing President Trump on SNL.
So THAT'S why they can only serve it a few months out of the year: Baldwin goes through so much for each taping of the show that there's not enough for the rest of us. (Disclaimer: DO NOT BATHE IN PSL. IT'S A HOT DRINK AND WILL BURN YOUR SKIN.)
3. It's The Key To Defeating The Night King.
Dragonglass and fire aren't the only ways to squash the Game Of Thrones villain's army of the undead. If you're watching TV and that blue demon's face scares you witless, hurling your favorite pumpkin-spiced drink at the television will probably make it short circuit. No more Night King staring into your soul. Problem solved.
4. It's The Official Drink Of The Illuminati.
In fact, it's about to be renamed the Illumi-latte. Pumpkin Spice Latte is a mouthful anyway.
5. It's Oprah's Next Book Club Pick.
Have you read some of the instructions people put on their drinks to customize them? They're novel-length as it is, so maybe this one's not too far from the truth.
Okay, okay. Maybe we should just stick with our original, and very vague, hypothesis: The PSL is coming soon. And if you can't wait for the barista-made version, you can always pick up the bottled variety in grocery stores now.
We'll stalk Facebook for you and update this story as soon as we know more.
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