The Most Absurd Things People Have Asked Baristas To Write On A Starbucks Cup

Blushing hardcore right now.



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Starbucks baristas can be a salty bunch, but to their credit, the coffee house's customers are kind of the worst. Inexcusably complicated orders, annoying questions, a unicorn obsession that just wouldn't quit — they're all things the guy who's pouring your coffee has to deal with at a disgustingly early hour. And now, you can add an entirely new category to that list: insane name requests. Here are all the inappropriate, hilarious, and plain-crazy things people have asked baristas to write on their cups, according to all of the Starbucks employees on Reddit. Sorry, siren lady. You deserve better than this.

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What a dick.

"No I will not draw a cock on your Frappuccino." - tomthefnkid

Hopeless romance isn't welcome here.

"I feel weird when someone asks me to write 'I love you' for their spouse's drink." - alligatorsupreme_esq



Thanks, dad.

"I wrote 'douche' on a cup once. He tipped 10 bucks first and said his son was being a dickhead. These were grown men." - dmher



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Feeling hot, hot, hot.

"I once had someone ask me if I could write 'dr. hottie' and I did it because I was the only one on the floor so I didn't have to call it out lol." - fraphell

That was uncalled for.

"Had an older man come in and ask for the name 'b*tch' on one of the drinks he ordered. I can only imagine who might have received that cup." - quartobass



How old are you?

"Ugh, someone who mobiles changed their name to Johnny Fuckface. Groowwww [sic] up people. - iamthe_warrior

I'm just gonna edit this slightly.

"There's a couple that comes into my store in the evenings that ask for 'Sugar Daddy' to be written on their cups. The only time I've been on bar when they've come in was when my [shift manager] was on [the register]. When she turned to give me their cups, she told me I was going to kill her for writing the names. I called it out as 'Sweet Father' instead, which they loved." - greysubcompact

Hard pass.

"Today someone requested that I put his friend's name down as 'dick rider,' which I obviously refused." - whittiez

Barista, relationship destroyer — same dif.

"Someone wanted me to write 'It's over.' I'm not breaking up with your boyfriend for you, and I honestly don't think a flat white is going to soften the blow ..." - slapcrashpop

Even heroes need coffee.

"We have a regular who requests that we call him Batman. He always says it with such a straight face that I still can't tell if he does it for laughs or if that is actually what people call him in real life ..." - sarahsaurusss

That's the spirit.

"Hail Satan. It was around Christmas. It was funny." - malicealdrich

Oh, I get it now.

"Got a cup with the name 'Mike Oxard'. It was placed by a punk ass kid whose name is not Mike but I played along. My inner 13-year-old had the time of his life calling out 'Mike Oxard'." - PrecipitASIAN

Why? Just why?

Someone told me to put 'moist' on their cup because everyone hates that word, and he wanted me to have to call it out. I didn't call it out." - shutternut94

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